....

Drowning in my fear and self-hate
Drowning in my despair and pain
In a room full of stifled screams
Echoes of days gone and sleep-less nights
Dreams lie thick in the fog of my nightmares
Of times when the pain in my chest is
throbbing...
thumping...
jumping...
Butterflies that bask in the sunlight
Strawberry ice cream in a waffle cone
A child's laughter
Your smile...
Love...
Hate...
Cruelty...
Fear...
Insecurities masked by my smile
My eyes hold together the
Years of anguish
This mind holds together
The secrets of a 25-year-old woman
Locked in this chamber
Of darkness
Deep secrets swimming in a vacuum
tears that drop in silence
stifled by moments frozen in time
moments of horror...
times of excruciating pain
moments of anger...
of unfulfilled desires
moments of joy...
your warmth envelopes me
A cocoon of safety
wrapping me in joy
serenity...
darkness is peace
It is fear stealing the air from my lungs
It is a time for rest
When sleepy eyes find slumber
It is moments of fear...
It is death gripping your hand...
the eternal slumber
death
the fear of death
the fear of failure
failure...
it is loneliness
a child in the fetal position
it is hate
wrapped in false self-confidence
it is a smile hiding a suicide note
it is you clueless to the fact
and me lost in a sea of despair...
Will I call out for help...
or will silence become my name
lost I become to a world unknown!